"Now, what is this site about, how Joe Torre ruined pitchers' arms? Is that it?"
-Michael Kay, August 18, 2009

Sunday, December 23, 2007

A Yankee Festivus

Today is December 23, the official day of Festivus! For those who don't know, Festivus was created by Frank Costanza on Seinfield to oppose the commercialization of Christmas. For a more detailed look at Festivus, click here.

In honor of Festivus, I will have an abbreviated Yankees version of Festivus.

One of the major aspects of the Festivus celebration is the Airing of Grievances, a way to vent and talk about the ways everyone has disappointed you over the last year.

I've got a lot of problems with you people, and now you're gonna hear about it!

Joe Torre: Good riddance.

Hank Steinbrenner: Every time you open your mouth, you get closer and closer to tampering. Keep quiet and just sign the checks.

Brian Cashman: You have done a great job building up the minor-league system. However, your bullpen-building has always been questionable, and as of now, there is no one reliable after Mariano Rivera.

Chien-Ming Wang
: The 19 games you won this year were great. However, you spit the bit in the playoffs in your two starts and cost the Yankees a chance at facing the Red Sox in the ALCS.

Mariano Rivera: In statistically the worst season of your career, you received a pay raise and three more years after turning 38.

Mike Mussina: 5.15 ERA in 27 starts and 28 appearances overall. Despite posting solid numbers in 2006, your career has been downhill after 2003. The Yankees still have you at one year for $11 million.

Carl Pavano: You were the Opening Day starter by default this season after missing all of 2006. After getting hurt and needing Tommy John Surgery, you are being fussy regarding accepting a release and a minor-league contract. Pavano, the Yankees owe you nothing. You have no right to hold up anything.

Kyle Farnsworth: 48 strikeouts and 27 walks in 60 innings pitched. You will make $5.5 million this year and have proven to be unreliable in your time in New York.

Brian Bruney: 37 walks in 50 innings pitched. You complained after being sent down to the Minors. You're lucky the Yankees decided to tender you a contract. You better change your act.

Wilson Betemit: You were already unpopular with me after coming here in the Scott Proctor trade. Your play on the field didn't make me feel any better about you. 33 strikeouts compared to six walks later, you're still useless.

Jorge Posada: You had the best season of your career in a contract year. You are making $13.1 million each year until you turn 40. You have played in 131 games behind the plate every season since 2000. You better not break down.

Jason Giambi: 254 at-bats and 14 home runs got you paid $21 million. Not bad. You will get paid the same amount this season, and the production will probably be just as poor.

Canadian Soldiers: Thanks, jerks!

Next are the Festivus miracles:

Alex Rodriguez: When you opted out of your contract during the fourth game of the World Series, all of New York thought you were a goner. I'll admit that I deleted all of my pictures of you on my computer out of anger. Later, it came out that your agent told you that the Yankees didn't want you back, and you obliged. You took matters into your own hands to return to the Yankees, and we welcome you back with open arms.

Joe Girardi: Picking you over Don Mattingly was one of the best decisions of the off-season. You were Scott Proctor's Arm's choice for manager, so we were obviously thrilled you were chosen to manage the team.

On to the Feats of Strength:

The American League East should be another battle between the Yankees and the World Champion Boston Red Sox. The lineups for both teams are pretty much the same as of now, and the Yankees rotation should improve with the addition of the Big Three. The two teams will meet in Boston for the final series of the regular season. This could determine who wins the East.

That's it for me. Have a Happy Festivus all! And have a happy and healthy holiday season.

This has been a great year of blogging for me. Since May 26, I have posted over 600 times and have recorded over 53,000 hits. This has been a lot of fun for me, and I truly appreciate everyone who takes time out of their day to read what I have to say.

Here's to another great year of Yankees baseball, and hopefully we can win that elusive 27th title in 2008.

And now, from YouTube, the real Festivus celebration from Seinfeld.

Here is the Mets version of Festivus, from my pal Andrew Vazzano over at The 'Ropolitans.


Andrew V. said...

Well done, sir.

Well done indeed!

Anonymous said...

thanks francessa

Ethan Michaels said...

Hey, at least the Yankees got rid of Pavano.

Ethan Michaels

Strider said...

Do yo thang, boy. I liked it, but I would've thrown in some cuss words and really made fun of Pavano. That scumbag is probably fisting some bitch with a handful of $100s right now.

Anonymous said...

NICE job dude

Greg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Greg said...

Hahahahah nice post.

Happy Festivus!

Greg C.


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