Dear Alex

Dear Mr. Rodriguez,

OK, I’ll admit it.  I’m not the biggest fan of yours.  In fact, I don’t like you at all.

However, you are probably the most important member of my favorite baseball team.  Said baseball team is in trouble right now and we need you and your purple lips badly.

Luckily, you’re coming back tonight as the team is on a five-game losing streak.  The team is bruised, maybe even broken.  It has lost bullpen help, its No. 2 starter, its starting and backup catchers, its starting right fielder, and your replacement.

But you can ride in on your white horse and save us.  No, you won’t retire batters in the latter innings, but you can help them score valuable runs and make the lineup better as a whole.

I’m just asking for one thing in return: cut the crap.  Don’t cause any distractions.  Just perform well on the field and all will be forgiven.

We need you, b**** t***.

Sincerely,

Andrew J. Fletcher