"Now, what is this site about, how Joe Torre ruined pitchers' arms? Is that it?"
-Michael Kay, August 18, 2009

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The 2009 Michael Kay/YES Network Drinking Game

Love or hate Michael Kay, he is here to stay. After years of listening to him, both on television and the radio, I have noticed some of Kay’s favorite sayings and actions from the booth. I call these “Michael Kay clichés,” or “Kaychés.”

The 2008 Michael Kay/YES Network Drinking Game is still one of Scott Proctor’s Arm’s most popular posts. In response, I have made an updated version for this season. I hope you enjoy it and please drink responsibly should you decide to play along. I take no responsibility for you or your actions as a result of playing this game. And no, I don’t really expect you to take 22 drinks if Kay says, “Deuces wild.”

  • Kay shamelessly plugs his ESPN radio show – 1 drink / Take additional drink if he says the time of day it’s on
  • Kay screams, “See ya!,” “there it goes,” and/or “looking up” – 1 drink / If he says all three in the same call, finish drink.
  • Kay says, “Fallacy of the predetermined outcome” – 1 drink
  • Kay laughs like a maniacal moron, and then is joined by the others in the booth – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “Put a bow on it” – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “We’ll make sense of it all” – 1 drink
  • Kay gets on his soapbox – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “We thank you for joining us” – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “If you’re just joining us” – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “The crowd is still buzzing” a few minutes after something big happens in the game – 1 drink
  • Kay asks if the batter should get the green light on a 3-0 count – 1 drink
  • Viewer notices that the YES cameras cut off the top of Kay's head during a booth shot – 1 drink
  • Kay talks about baseball strategy, and is probably incorrect – 1 drink
  • Kay uses a word you have to look up in the dictionary – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “Hey!” (i.e. “Hey, Yankee fans!” or “Hey, check out…”) – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “Who but?” – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “Tough league” when a pitcher throws a changeup or breaking ball when down in the count – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “If it’s fair, it’s gone/trouble/a base hit/etc.” – 1 drink
  • Kay talks about how Nick Swisher always has a full count on him – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “Lineups, first pitch, BASEBALL!” – 1 drink
  • “Jeterian” or “Jeteresque” is said by anyone in the booth – 1 drink
  • Food is mentioned by any of the announcers – 1 drink / If Kay gets made fun of because of his weight, take an additional drink and eat a slice of pizza
  • Kay refers to a ball as “driven,” “laced” or “served” – 1 drink / Take 2 drinks if it’s a different verb
  • There is awkward silence in the booth – 1 drink
  • Kay says, “Big healthy cut” – 1 drink / Take an additional drink if the “big” is emphasized
  • Kay says, “Works into, and out of, trouble” – 1 drink
  • Kay says that Melky Cabrera was the last Yankee to hit for the cycle – 1 drink / Take an additional 2 drinks if Kay says anything about Tony Fernandez

  • Kay talks about a starting pitcher’s pitch count before the third inning – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, “Pretty play” or “Oh, what a play!” – 2 drinks
  • Kay refers to a player by his full name (i.e. “Andrew Eugene Pettitte,” “Derek Sanderson Jeter,” “Carsten Charles Sabathia,” etc.) – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, “People forget,” assuming that Yankees fans don’t have good memories relating to something that could be perceived as common knowledge (i.e. "People forget Cody Ransom was actually the starting third baseman at the beginning of the year") – 2 drinks
  • Paul O'Neill makes fun of Kay for having too many shows on YES – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, “Aforementioned New York Yankees” – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, “If you’re scoring at home” – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, “On what would be the infield grass” when a pop up is caught in the short outfield in a domed stadium – 2 drinks
  • Kay explains the benefits of the staggered lineup – 2 drinks
  • Kay says a player is “like the little girl with the curl” – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, “Let’s take this baby _th inning” – 2 drinks
  • Kay asks, “Do the Yankees have a rally in their bones?” – 2 drinks
  • Kay holds out the “he” in “he struck him out” (i.e. “Heeeeeeeeee struck him out”), the “goes” in “there it goes” (i.e. “There it goessssssss”) or the “see” in “see ya” (i.e. “Sssssseeeee ya”) – 2 drinks
  • Kay uses his “Philthies” nickname for Phil Hughes and/or Phil Coke – 2 drinks / If he calls both of them “Philthy” in the same game, take an additional two drinks
  • Kay screams, “Bonus cantos!” and/or “Free baseball!” when a game goes to extra innings – 2 drinks

  • Kay refers to a past conversation he had and says, “He said” at least three times (Seriously, pay attention to this. He really does this all the time.) – 3 drinks
  • Kay says, “He ties a record held by many” when a fielder records all three outs in an inning – 3 drinks
  • Kay mentions Fordham University – 3 drinks / If John Flaherty mentions George Washington University in response, take an additional drink
  • O’Neill’s “Seinfeld” cameo is brought up – 3 drinks
  • Kay says, “That’s a fan for life” when a kid receives a foul ball – 3 drinks
  • Kay says, “How many times do you see a player make a great play and then lead off the next inning?” or some variation of that – 3 drinks
  • Kay apologizes in advance for messing up any strike calls when Tim McClelland is the home plate umpire – 3 drinks

  • Kay says, “Looking up” after the ball has already reached the stands – Finish drink
  • Kay asks his analysts a ridiculous question and is promptly debunked – Finish drink / Take an additional drink for each time he responds with a “don’t you think...” question
  • Kay says, “Hit DEEP to left/right/center” and the ball is then caught well in front of the track – Chug a beer
  • Kay says, “Deuces wild” – 22 drinks
  • Kay isn't calling the game – Spray champagne

Again, please drink responsibly.

Thanks to my Twitter followers for their various suggestions.


Rebecca said...

This. is the most amazing thing. Ever

Common Scold said...

This is so spot-on, and hilarious. Count me in as one of Michael's strongest fans -- I always am disappointed when he's not in the booth -- and you definitely caught it as well as the Batting Stance Guy gets the batters. Bravo! CYA! (Nothing is more sublime than a long game w/ Michael, O'Neill and Leiter - when they get into their ice cream rants)

Jason @ IIATMS said...

Seriously, this is a prescription for a BAC that would match Mitre's ERA.

I firmly and blissfully approve.

Paul Lalli said...

Absolutely wonderful. I love Michael Kay in the booth, and I think even he would appreciate this mostly-gentle poking fun at him. Well done!

Rob I said...

Kay says "Past a diving (players name)" - 1 drink

Nikki E. said...

Absolutely LOVED it...and I really like Michael Kay.


If A and B are watching YES, and Kay uses a word that A has to look up in the dictionary, but B does not, does only A get to take a drink?

What's wrong with "Jeterian?" I think it's rather poetic. ;-) Google used to be a brand name...now it's a verb. That's how these things happen.

You didn't include this: Michael Kay gets you running out of the can with your pants around your ankles because of his barely contained euphoria over a great hit or play, and you get there to find out that it was AGAINST us with no change at all in his tone. - take 2 drinks, one of which you spit at the TV

Andrew Fletcher said...

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions, guys.

Nikki, I think if anyone has to look up a word in the dictionary, everyone should drink. I've always found "Jeterian" to be kind of silly and meaningless.

And that's a GREAT suggestion, haha.

Nikki E. said...

Andrew, silly...okay. Silly is in the eye of the beholder. But meaningless? No.

Jeterian: Execution of a play in the game of baseball in a manner consistent with the unique playing style of Derek Jeter, i.e. the mid-air pivot and throw.


Andrew Fletcher said...

Don't forget the intangibles off the field as well.

Upstate Underdog said...

Alludes to David Cone's drinking or love of partying - 1 drink.

btw, this is a great post.

Nikki E. said...

True, Andrew...true. Of course, he rarely uses the adjective in that way.

jay destro said...

michael kay is a douchebag

Jeff Cohen said...

Where's "he'll gobble it up for the final out of the _th inning," or "That'll do it here in the _th inning. Or some hideous pun on a player's name ("if you've been waiting for Gaudin...")? Or "the (fill in name of team) are down to their final strike..." "Gets a piece to stay alive..." Extra points if he mentions getting a text from a friend, or better, one of the announcers not working today.

Andrew Fletcher said...

How could I forget texts from friends!? Those are all good ones!

Nikki E. said...

Jeff, LOL! You caught that "Waiting for Gaudin" thing too, eh??

I wasn't.

I wonder though...for those who have complaints about Kay they're serious about...what would be acceptible to say as an announcer? I mean, this list is gettin' long.

Jeff Cohen said...

I have no problem with phrases like "gobbles it up" or "gets a piece to stay alive," if he didn't say it EVERY SINGLE TIME. I'm a writer; I work with words for a living--mix it up once in a while!

Anonymous said...

when does michael kay say "who but"? the fake michael kay on twitter always makes reference to this but I don't get it.

can you give me an example of how michael kay would say this in a sentence?

Andrew Fletcher said...

Nikki, Kay is really the only announcer I follow closely enough to do something like this. I'm sure every announcer has his or her own list of cliches.

Jeff, it's funny that you mention you're a writer, because that's how Kay got his start. You'd think he'd be able to mix it up.

Andrew Fletcher said...

Anonymous, "Who But" is the tagline for the W.B. Mason promos.

Nikki E. said...

Jeff, just playin' a round of devil's advocate for Mike...when we write, it gives us the luxury of being ruminative about our words; this is a luxury really not available to people who make their living speaking on live television.

Also, there are people who build their entire careers on just one line...look at how many gems he's given us as ammo.


Matt said...

Jesus man! Are you trying to kill us??

Anonymous said...

I take a shot everytime Mike stops talking about himself and gives the count.I am stone sober at the end of the game.

Mike said...

You forgot for when there are runners on, a full count, and 2 outs. "Well this gives the yankees an advantage because the runners will be going..." a Michael Kay CLASSIC

Beth QH said...

Hilarious Andrew. Since I have been reading your Kayche twitter posts, I have found Kay to be so unbearable. Maybe I just need to play this game...

Anonymous said...

"Kay refers to a ball as “driven,” “laced” or “served” – 1 drink / Take 2 drinks if it’s a different verb"---5 drinks if he says "scooped".

Stadium Garlic Fries said...

where is 47,000 fans are standing and creating wall of sound?

Mike said...

What about .... "let's do it"

Anonymous said...

You forgot when a player REALLY hits a mammoth home run and Kay emphasizes it: "a LONG home run by ____"

Anonymous said...

Excellent. I'll forward you my ER trip bill, however.

daniel aka bryce harper said...

how about, "GET up and stretch!!"

Anonymous said...

Also, don't forget his... "And you wonder..." whenever he starts asking a question nobody cares about.

Andrew Fletcher said...

He stopped saying "get up and stretch" a few years ago, Daniel.

Anonymous said...

hahahah, that was hilarious. I can just hear him saying everyone one of those phrases as i'm reading it. I love the guy.

Alex said...

How about if he sneaks in an "unmanageable/managable," drink the whole bottle? I heard him say it once this year.

Anonymous said...

I could swear I've heard him a million times ask Al Leiter whether "he pitches to his strengths or the batter's weaknesses," and invariably follows up with "but what if your strength is the batter's strength? What do you do then?"

Andrew Fletcher said...

Yeah, he said that the other day! Hilarious!

Jordan said...

How about 1 drink for everytime Singleton says "How 'bout that?!"

And Singleton just said "the stadium is still buzzing" should I drink for that even though it's not Kay?

Andrew Fletcher said...

Haha, I just heard Kenny say that too. Yes, drink away.

Anonymous said...

Honestly most of these things are something you're goin to hear pretty much any broadcaster say at a game.
For instance "•Kay says, “If you’re just joining us” thats something you hear pretty much no matter who is doing the game. these also “Big healthy cut” and “Works into, and out of, trouble” I could go on but you get the point, but besides the ones that everybody use it was pretty funny.

JBJ said...

This drinking game is too good to be true! Andrew, you are great! We are all going to be sloshed after all MK games, because he does almost all of these things every time he's in the booth. I pray for the days he's off! It's so stress-relieving to have a MK free day!

Anonymous said...

What about, "and the Yankees/Other team are down to their last strike"

Michael kay ahs great off field analysis, the goings on with palyers, their teams, the media, their GM. Smart guy. he's the man, love to hear

Anonymous said...

I wanna see a Paul O'Neill drinking game. Paul is not the best announcer, but he never fails to crack a few jokes at MK's expense.

Anonymous said...

Good job.

My suggestion: "class in session in the bullpen [or dugout].

a said...

Seriously feels like i just watched a broadcast...btw, what was the final score???

Ive also heard him many many times mention how he was chubby or stalky kid who couldnt play any sports. And why do i know that he has a gigantic head?

Donnie said...

When a pitching change is made:

"And he has a WHIP just under/above 1, which is outstanding"

One drink.

M said...

When a pitch is thrown a little too far inside and Singleton shouts "LOOK OUT!" - 3 drinks

When thre are two outs and a 3-2 count MK says that'll release (insert players name) or the runners - 2 drinks

Andrew Vazzano said...

Oh my sweet Jesus. I love you, Fletch.

Subway Squawkers said...

Great update, and congrats on getting on the radio today!

Dave M. said...

This may not have much to do with the drinking game and may be for another post, but is anyone else sick and tired of pitchers pointing up when a pop fly is hit. Are the players really looking at the pitcher to tell them if it's a fly ball or not?

Even more annoying (and completely laughable) is when the pitcher points up like it's a catachable fly ball and then the ball lands 15 rows into the center field stands. Phil Coke, I think, is the biggest offender here and needs to stop.

Anonymous said...

please add: Kim Jones will work the clubhouse. Does she really?

steve said...

How about when the bases are loaded and he says "The bases are full of Yankees." 2 drinks. I always look to see if there may be a Yankee on first and second but a Royal or Brewer on third.

Also, "aforementioned New York Yankees" is meaningless. What other New York Yankees could he be referring to?

Marty said...

found this after hearing Andrew on 1050, great site. Don't forget this one when they cut to a commercial following the final out: "We'll be right back with the recap and the awards you love so much, right here on YES."

Nancy said...

"The interlocking NY" from Michael and "that's written consent" from Kenny (who I think lifted it from Michael and now claims it as his own) and "had a nice conversation with" from Flaherty.

Anonymous said...

michael kay sucks shit through a straw. Major douchehole.

Anonymous said...

How about when Michael Kay says "last licks" for a team when the game is going to the Top of the 9th.

Anonymous said...

You left out a good one:

If Kay says "chapped" to refer to someone is angry, throw your drinnk at the TV.

Anonymous said...

How many drinks when Kay calls A-Rod "A-Drod or Drod-driguez like he always pronounces it?

Anonymous said...

"if the yankees are going to win this one its gonna have to be in walk off fashion"

-finish your beer

Anonymous said...

That "Last Licks for the visiting team" thing drives me nuts, too. "Last Licks" are ONLY for the home team.

Anonymous said...

-Kay says "kicks foul" on a slow-roller down the third base line - One drink (Two for the first base line)

-Kay mentions Nick Johnson getting on base 42% of the time after he draws a walk - One Drink (Shotgun a beer if he does not reach base and Kay praises Johnson's OBP while neglecting his fear of swinging a bat)

-Kay attempts to flash baseball knowledge, fails, then says "check that" minutes later before admitting his mistake - One Drink (You may adjust for degree of difficulty)

Jeff Cohen said...

And my personal favorite, "WHISPERS across the outside corner for a strike!"

henchman said...

Big drink every time he mentions the size of his head.

Anonymous said...

How about when Kay tells you the STATE in which game is being played when playing teams like Boston..."in Boston, Massachusetts"...baffling!

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Geneva Sharp said...


Feeling really awesome to read about Kay.. He is funny about the single word from him will mean a lot.....

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